Music: Part One

“Freedom’s just another word, for nothin’ left to lose…”

The holiday has come and gone. I mean, the BIG one our family celebrates… Christmas.

I have finally reached an age at which I don’t care so much about presents. I used to. I had things I specifically wanted. Things I saw as attainable. I still have things I want, but I also know better. I mean Santa isn’t going to put that red Camero convertible under my tree, unless it’s a miniaturized version, forever symbolizing my midlife crisis desires. Desires that will not be met. Hey, it could be worse.

Instead of that, I received different types of midlife crisis gifts. I received toys. Yes, toys. You see, the things I played with as child, are now considered “vintage.” Fun times, huh? I don’t have any of my old toys and I have only a few of my kids’ old toys. I mean, let’s face it, I had to have garage sales every so often to pay some bills, and at times to pay for groceries. There was no such thing as the luxury of keeping my kids’ toys, much less my own. Because of this, I’ve wanted to recreate things a bit. I want a retro game room. So this Christmas, I got a lot of toys. I also got a really cool lunch box, dated 5 years before my birth. Now that is truly vintage 😉

Because I love all things vintage, I have a record player in my bedroom. I love to sit in my room, on rainy days in particular, listen to my records, and paint, or write. I’m sounding quite artistic now, but I really have no talent. These are just things I try to be good at. Anyway, my son bought me a record for Christmas. This record means a lot to me, one because it came from him, and two because I listened to a particular song from it, throughout a portion of his childhood.

“Nothin’ don’t mean nothin’ hon, if it ain’t free…”

Me and Bobby McGee…

Ahhh, the hot summer nights spent sitting by the pool, watching my kids play, trying to get work done, but I never could when listening to music, especially that song. I had so many bottled emotions. I longed for so much, but could never pinpoint those longings. Peace maybe? Peace in my heart, and mind, and body. I still long for that, but my bouts of restlessness don’t come as often now as they once did. Thankfully. Restlessness can be destructive when it’s bottled.

I’d play this song, though, and I’d lose myself in it. I’d imagine myself sitting in a big ol’ diesel, listening to the music, clearly seeing the Kentucky coal-mine and Cali… of course Cali. I’d never been there back then. I actually had an aversion to it for some reason, but now… now it’s one of the few places I long to be. I work hard at being happy in my present, but I do still long to sit on rocky cliffs, with the ocean breeze blowing my hair crazily, wrapped in a giant sweater, watching the waves, the smell of the sea in the air. That image is so clear in my head. Every one of my five senses is entangled in it. These are the things that come to mind when listening to this song again.

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40 something woman in the midst of a midlife crisis, living daily life with a smile on my face, love in my heart, and completely dripping sarcasm like melting cheese from a cheese-burger.

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