Ha! That word is one that will make me completely lose my mind if it’s spoken to me at the wrong moment.

I already struggle daily with that word. I mean, what does it mean, anyway? When people tell me to relax, I feel like they just want me to calm the hell down and stop bothering them with whatever I am obviously not relaxed about. If they truly wanted me to relax, they’d give me chocolate and send me to the cliffs for wave watching. I hate the word relax.

For awhile, I also struggled with mindfulness. It took me a full year to finally get it right. I’m not a yoga type of person, so I really did have to find my own way as far as what it meant to practice mindfulness. I practiced it while doing small things, like walking from my car into the grocery store, or washing a dish by hand. I thought it was the dumbest thing in the world. Haha…

Since New Year’s Eve, I’ve once again tried practicing mindfulness. I’ve been incredibly focused (to me, mindfulness is complete focus on what you are doing at that moment) on organizing my life. Meaning closets, cabinets, my brain. Every project I’ve taken on, has had my complete focus, and I have to tell you, it’s amazing how much of a difference this makes as far as overall energy levels, and naturally it has made a difference as far as how much work I’ve gotten done. Hell, I took down our 12 ft Christmas tree, and carried it up the stairs on my own last Sunday. That must have had something to do with the fudge I consumed (Thought I had cleaned the house out of unhealthy foods, but found fudge!). I felt like I was on crack or something.

Seriously though, mindfulness does work. Unless I’m in the car. My brain goes haywire in the car. It’s everywhere at one time. They have laws for cell phone distractions while driving, but what’s going to protect me, and others, from my spinning brain? Then there’s bedtime. This is when I start repeating that hated word, relax. Not every night. Some nights I’m all good when I put myself into my imagined room that’s nestled in the side of a mountain, overlooking the ocean. Other nights though, my whole body is tense. I don’t even realize it until I’ve started to ache. Then I start talking to myself… “Ugh, relax legs,” “relax hands,” “relax shoulders.” Yes, I’m thinking it, and at times, I’m saying it. I have dogs in the bed with me, so I can pretend I’m talking out loud for their benefit.

Anyway, tonight was one of those nights, so here I am, annnnnnnd, off I go. Time to try this sleep thing one more time.

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40 something woman in the midst of a midlife crisis, living daily life with a smile on my face, love in my heart, and completely dripping sarcasm like melting cheese from a cheese-burger.

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