…Then I woke up

One minute I’m singing “Me and Bobby McGee”

“Freedom’s just another word, for nothin’ left to lose, nothin’ don’t mean nothin’ honey if ain’t free…”

The next minute I’m driving in my car. It’s dark, there are twists, turns, and loops. What felt like loops, anyway. The twists were so sharp, the roads so steep. I couldn’t see the end of any of them, because it was pitch black. Not even my headlights could penetrate the darkness.

I pulled over… there were trees everywhere. I couldn’t see them, but I could hear them as a light breeze made its way through branches overhead. Typically I love trees, but this time, I was struggling. That claustrophobic feeling can actually overtake you in an open space if it’s dark enough to make you feel like you can’t move.

I hate that kind of dark. You can’t see anything even if it’s right in front of your face. Your eyes don’t adjust, and suddenly you can’t breathe. I heard someone though. Someone was telling me to just let it out. Let what out? Then I hear nothing. Complete silence. The trees I could not see, were not even bristling in the wind anymore.

I started to walk, each step so carefully taken, since I didn’t know where my feet were landing. I also didn’t know where I was going, just like I didn’t know where I was going when I was driving. Which was better? The road or the non-existent path? I stopped.

How on earth did I get here? Alone. I don’t really hate being alone, but this was not a chosen introverted moment. I needed that voice, even though it made no sense. What I needed to “get out” at that moment, was my breath. I needed to breathe. I needed to see. I needed to move, because even though I was taking steps, I didn’t think I had moved one inch.

“And the ghosts that we knew, will flicker from view, and we’ll live a long life…”

One of my favorite songs was playing in my head. I started singing it out loud. The voice was mine.

“So give me hope in the darkness, that I will see the light, ’cause ohhhh, they gave me such a fright, and I’ll hold on, as long as you like, just promise we will be alright.”

Loops, twists, turns, and an hourglass timer, all flashing before my eyes… then, I woke up.



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40 something woman in the midst of a midlife crisis, living daily life with a smile on my face, love in my heart, and completely dripping sarcasm like melting cheese from a cheese-burger.

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